WHAT IS IT?

I just wrote a whole blog about my feelings,
then low and behold an email from you.
I'm glad you ha vent found this yet.
I was thinking of linking it on my page
but never mind.

So now I got your head spinning and you are reflecting on our time we've spent together.
In your letter you asked me something that I always thought you knew the answer to,
because I told you it before, but it's weird now that you want an explanation...

You asked me if I ever truly loved you. It was easy to say yes.
Then you asked me what my definition of love is...
You caught me off guard because no one has ever asked me before...
So this is exactly what I wrote:

Love is something that you feel for another person. A deep connection that cannot be explained. You never really know why you love the person that you love. There are so many different kinds of love. But the love you want to know about, is OUR love. The love that I felt for you and you felt for me.

When people say that there is a thin line between love and hate, it's absolutely true. Some days just seeing you would make me feel soooo light, totally on cloud nine, but then some days I just couldn't stand you and I wanted to get as far away from you as possible. But it didn't mean I didn't love you. I always thought I knew the answers for questions like these, but now I find myself in deep thought, and I keep asking myself, what was it? What was it about you? I don't know. We talked, you were always there when I needed you even if I wasn't there for you. Even though you think I was always there for you, sometimes I feel bad because I wasn't. But then that wasn't the question you asked...

I loved you, I still do but its not the same because we grew apart. Every time I saw you it was like you were glowing, but that was just my love for you distorting my vision. You could never do wrong in my eyes. I mean I'd get mad at you, but I never left you hanging without an explanation. We always talked about everything, I didn't ever hide anything from you. There are things that I've told you that I would never tell another living person. I know there are things that you shared with me that you wouldn't want another person to know! You remember what it was like. We were so intense in private, ha I think that was my favorite element about us. Everyone always thought that we were this laid back couple, and no one really every knew how close we were because we were intensely intimate when we were alone. I don't mean it in the way you are thinking... and trust me I know how you think. You remember, when we'd talk and ask each other deep questions... Like this one that I'm answering for you now. We had laughs. You were always my favorite person to laugh with. If I couldn't laugh with you then it would never have worked out. I think that was one of our key elements.

I don't really know if this was the kind of answer you were looking for but I try. Anyway a shorter version of my Love is this: You made me feel something that I haven't really felt with another person ever. I can't explain it, but it was good, really good. When I think about what we had I don't feel a sense of loss like you do, I feel good. (really good ha!) Not good because it's over, but good because it even happened. Do you know how many people live their entire lives without ever finding that feeling with someone? If I never get to experience that feeling again, I'd be lucky just to say that I had it with you. I know you want to get back into that mode where we were, but I'm just not ready for that right now. I know it's a lame excuse considering my feelings for you, but I just like being independent. I hope that you can respect that.

I really hate reminiscing about us. You are definitely a whole book in my life. I know the end isn't written in stone yet but I'm glad to have heard from you and to know that you are doing well.

Regardless about what you may think, I do miss you. I'm sorry about everything, and thanks for apologizing to me too. I never realized till now that this was the first time after everything that you truly apologized for what happened. It's good to hear. I'll keep in touch don't worry, I just don't want to get sucked back into that hole we just climbed out of.

So anyway that was a part of my reply back... It's really trippy because after all that I still don't even know what I was trying to say.