Updating my Life..

Okay, So it's been a while and I've got so much to post up here that is all me, but I can't put everything.... it won't be as deep. I just wanted to explain the way I feel without being interrupted or judged so here goes...

I'm at home with my family now. I'm happy to report that for almost a month my parents have been clean.. when I say clean I mean no ice... of course mom smokes like a pound of weed a week me and ola help to but u know... It's so nice to have a different life.. it feels different.

A few months ago I had just graduated from college and I was living with friends, I wasn't even thinking about my family. Looking back at the five years that I spent in college, makes me realize how detattched from my family I was and still am. I don't know how to explain it, but one day I just woke up and realized that my family doesn't know me. When I think about it no one really knows me the way I know me. So I went to visit my family, only to feel like this complete stranger sitting on the outside looking in at something that I have never really been a part of. It's so hard to explain the depression that I felt when I realized that I didnt really belong. When you wake up and realize that you didnt't really belong in the family that you were born into, then you feel alone.

Yes, I know I made some awesome friends who got to glimpse the real me, or goto to know me completely, but it just hurt when I realized my sisters and brothers, my mom and dad didnt get me. So right now I'm trying to work on that. I am working on getting to know my family. It's been rough we scrap out ever other day, but I love it because right now I'm closer to my family then I've ever been.

Anyway Aho.. Miss you! hehe okay well I'll write more in a couple weeks.